Drew Masters

But if you try sometimes, you just might get what you can steal from someone that needs it more than you.

Why must you ruin my day? Every day. I see you there and I’m all like, “What up girl, how’d get to be so fine?” in my head. It actually comes out as an awkwardly creepy smile. Your ridiculous attractiveness is fucking with my brain parts. I often find myself thinking about you in my spare time. What’s your name. Ugh. To paraphrase Winston Churchill, “I cannot forecast to you the actions of Ridiculously Attractive Girl. She is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma; but perhaps there is a key to her heart.” Too bad she seems interested in Ridiculously Tattooed Douche Bag, who seems to hold that key. Fucking stuff.

If you’ve never had one, they’re amazing. It’s like a breath mint commercial, with all the flavor crystals.

That moment when someone says “You should get [this thing that I’ve never used before] over [this thing that no one on the planet has used before], it’s a million times better.” when you say that the second thing might be interesting.

ಠ_ಠ

Look. You haven’t used either. Neither of these is a million times better than the other (that would require one to be Jesus, offering eternal life, and the other being a pile of poop that shoots poop in your face and gives you a new disease every time). I’m sure that the thing that you’ve merely never used before is swell, but I was just posting my interest in this new thing that no one has used yet. Let’s not make snap judgements here. This new thing might suck. But I’m excited that more people are making these kinds of products. 

christinadear:

I don’t normally reblog these, but I just couldn’t resist this one.

I only need two.
“Want bacon?”